Sunday, January 01, 2006

#103 - Book of the Lamentations of Woody

Book 7
Chapter 3

1 And the Woodyettes did gripe and complain against Woody in the wilderness saying, Verily thou dost starve us because of the hardness of thy heart;
2 And thou has led us into the wilderness to die, and dost not offer unto us our cookies, for truly do our tummies grumble for much want of nourishment.
3 And Woody verily did respond to his daughters in a loud voice saying, Thus it ever shall be for those who do not finish their grilled ciabatta, turkey and provolone sandwiches.
4 But the Woodyettes did raise their voices higher saying, But the hardness of the bread is beyond our ability to chew, and the crustiness thereof is the crustiness of thy soul, wherefore we perish.
5 But Woody did harden his heart against his daughters, and did not yield unto them their cookies, for they verily had not yet eaten their grilled turkey, provolone and ciabatta sandwiches, and the hour was yet late.
6 And they did weary him much with their pleadings for cookies, and when Woody did reveal the bowl of candies from the eastern lands of Nestle and Hershey, they did weary him more.
7 Then did Woody say unto his daughters, Yea, thou has wearied me with thy many pleadings. Yet hast thou not done that which I required of thee at the outset, and hast ignored the succulent slices of turkey and provolone cheese, grilled upon ciabatta rolls which did set Woody back a pretty penny, yea, even at Costco did they cost more than would be seemly given the current market.
8 Wherefore I did say unto thee that all thou needest do is eat of the grilled ciabatta sandwiches which I, Woody, had prepared for thy lunch, and thou shalt have thy cookies and candies from exotic eastern lands. Yea, it shall be unto thee as thy dinner, and thou mayest partake of thy desserts, if only thou shalt eat thy, well, thou knowest.
9 But the Woodyettes, because of the easiness of the way, did not partake of the sandwiches. And Woody, who is, after all, human, did cave in and offer unto the Woodyettes sandwiches of peanut butter and either honey or strawberry jam, depending on their peculiarities, and they did partake and rejoice.
10 Thus did the Woodyettes obtain their cookies.
11 And Woody did obtain his peace.

Happy New Year!

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